Happy 2011 and Thank You from Nancy

Happy new year to all. This is not the new year Jim and I anticipated at all– like many of you who have had your own personal circumstances that have come up this past year.

I have not logged on the site to leave a message yet so I thought today would be a good time to do it. Echoing Jim’s sentiments I would like to thank each and every one of you for your wonderful words that you wrote to us and to the kids in the Guest Book. It is still surreal to be a spouse of an esophageal cancer patient! We both look at each other and shake our head.

As I sit here now at the Proton center I’m watching a man and wife who I see every day — waiting for their teenage daughter to emerge from the back– the ambulance will arrive monetarily and transport her back where she is staying– happy new year does not come to mind– rather He is here and has a plan. In the background is Christian music playing — everyday. Apparently the “politically correct” police have not discovered them yet!:((

Once again, my perspective is enlarging almost beyond an ability to take it in. Remembering when Eric was spending months in the hospital– we often said — Lord, let it be one of us rather than one of them. Well, it is and praise God it is not one of our children or grandchildren. We laid on our couch together last night and talked about how grateful we are that there are answers and that we have precious family and friends who care and pray accordingly. We also realize how blessed we are to have the resources to have Kevin shopping and getting the special foods that will improve Jim’s immune system. They shake their heads — this morning a bellman showed up at the door– eyes big as he held out our delivery of wheat grass– yes we juice our own wheat grass in our wheat grass juicer!! :)). Jim is drinking juices of veggies– fresh beans and veggie soup that I purée. He has protein shakes with freshly made almond milk and coconut + flax seed oil for omegas and calories. We spent most of our days tempting Jim with anything that sounds good or tolerable to eat. Our prayer request is that his weight stop going down n that the side affects of chemotherapy and radiation be nothing.

His weight is today 162.2– yes, like when you are losing we keep track of the ounces– each ounce is precious and hard won.

We have now driven to another building to have his inline I.V. dressing changed and his 24/7 pump disconnected. Hallelujah for Fridays. Monday he will be reconnected and get another weekly dose of chemotherapy.

Our prayer is that he will remain unaffected by the side affects and with an appetite. Praise God for knowledge of eating healthy foods and Nutrilite.

Many of have asked how I’m doing the last few weeks. I appreciate your love and concern. Sometimes it depends on the day you ask. I’ll be doing good and feeling expectant and comforted by God’s presence– then a thought will flash across my mind and “it’s off to the races”—- fortunately, I delve into the Word and reject the fear. It’s a decision and I must stay vigilant. Watching Jim deal with this is overwhelming at times– I pray, read, make juices, and research– and workout. Jim joins me on the treadmill which I’m grateful for each day.

Yesterday was a particularly low day– met with another doctor about some alternatives and he won’t be able to do anything until Jim finishes his treatments the last day of January. For whatever reason, Jules and I had a very tough time with that seeming dead end. I went straight back to the 4 Seasons and had a massage– my first one since I arrived. I set one up for Jim as well. Following that we went up-and sunk into God’s Word. We are weak and He is strong. I didn’t try to figure out why the appt wasn’t what I had prayed– I just wanted peace that surpasses all understanding!! As I’ve learned– sometimes a dead end is good. He is in control and is not sitting on His throne wringing His hands. After a few hours of reading I felt grounded again and we had dinner– such as it was:) with Dave and Jules and Faith!! Always an uplift!! :))

Pls know that your prayers are not wasted and we are so very thankful that so many are willing. The slots for the 24 hr prayer totally humbled us both.

We are now disconnected and heading back to our home away from home. It is 75 here today– another gift from God!! Make your list and review it daily!!


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